Privilege, Defensiveness, and Anger

Last week, I was reading a friend's status on Facebook. She was mildly annoyed at all the sports talk on Facebook. Soon after I read her status, I began talking about my fondness for sports in my replies to her status. A few minutes after that, I realized something spooky: when my friend chooses not to talk about something, why do I immediately begin to discuss the very thing she doesn't want to talk about?

I was insensitive. I placed my own rights to discuss what I feel like discussing, at any time I feel like discussing it, over her right to feel comfortable. Thinking about this moment even more, I realized that a similar dynamic unfolds in discussions about feminism and whenever women raises concerns about how they're treated, period.

I label myself as a feminist, but that doesn't make me an automatic ally of women. Sometimes, I'm insensitive because I have privilege. There's no iron-clad law that says I've immediately overcome my experiences and inclinations, just because I'm trying to help women stand up for themselves. Men who seek to support women in their efforts to gain equal treatment need to remember our vulnerabilities.Calling yourself a feminist doesn't magically solve the problems of patriarchy, any more than saying you have a black friend magically solves the problem of racism.

Ask yourself: am I making a statement that implicitly ignores, marginalizes, and belittles women? Check your rationalizations: if you're making them, you probably need to stop talking for awhile. You can have concerns, but your concerns are not more important than women. Anything else is an excuse. It's time to quit making excuses, and it's time to start listening.

***

It's a frequent canard that feminists are angry and hate men, which is amusing when you consider that I'm a man and a feminist, so I must hate myself. The scary thing is, there's probably someone out there who's sure I must hate myself if I'm a feminist. Call me crazy, but how can the world get worse once we stop preventing half the people in it from reaching their full potential? That's not hatred, that's love. Shoot, that's self-interest. Most people are capable of clearing that low bar.

Anger is another story. As an atheist, I've had lots of fun with anger. Greta Christina has her 99 Reasons Atheists Are Angry. I've learned that anger is often necessary and justified to propel social change.

I've also learned that tone is not all-important. The suffering of helpless, innocent people is more important than tone. The happiness of half our planet is more important than tone. Tone is also a source of privilege: if you have privilege, you can get what you want by being nice and not rocking the boat. People who aren't normally heard need to be louder.

Often, I've found myself on the other end of anger. What should you do when people are angry at you? I recommend pausing, taking a few steps back, and reassessing your situation for awhile. Walk away. Once you've learned that anger can be justified, use that knowledge to discern how the anger you're currently facing may be justified. Even if you disagree with the complaints, try to imagine yourself in the position of the person who's angry.

***

Speaking from probability, every person has some privilege in his or her life, whether it is: race, religion, gender, class, nationality, physical condition, mental condition, etc. If skeptics can agree to use skepticism to deflate the emotional baggage of religion, then why can't skeptics agree to use skepticism to deflate the emotional baggage of privilege? Religious privilege is one type of assumed, unquestioned, poisonous privilege among many, that both depends upon and enables other destructive types of privilege.

Yes, widening the appeal of skepticism is a good thing, but I'm not asking a question about popularity. I'm asking a question about the basic responsibility of skeptics, and whether skeptics will remain accountable to their own beliefs: are you prepared to accept the full consequences of skepticism, once you understand that religion is just one type of privilege among many -- yes or no?

I hope you say "YES!". If you say "YES!", then let's join together and create a world where no privilege lies unexamined, unchallenged, or any longer undermines the well-being of any human being on this Earth.

Resistance Is Strength

I first wrote the following thoughts in the weeks after I completed a course on Friedrich Nietzsche's "Beyond Good and Evil". Most of the ideas below reflect but do not necessarily emulate Nietzsche's thinking - that would be impossible, because I am not Friedrich Nietzsche, and because I am hardly qualified or well-read enough to suppose that I could speak for him. Yet I can speak for myself, so here are some of my thoughts:

I have had an insight: resistance is strength. Neither acceptance nor denial of anything is enough to develop and build strength. Resistance is key.

Why resistance? Because children leave their parents and become adults. Because human beings form their own identity from the remains of their youth: the inspiration of their families and the influence of their peers. You tear down a muscle and you rebuild it – you nourish and flex and try your muscles until you're stronger. You test yourself against your fears. You prove yourself abler than you imagined. This resistance is how children become independent, compassionate, responsible adults. They resist!

Why resistance? Because intimacy is unspeakably powerful. Because people bring down their pride and their ego and share it with another person, or with an audience. Because our vulnerabilities can lead to our greatest passions and our greatest ambitions. When you feel lonely, you write. When you feel depressed, you tell jokes. When you feel isolated, you try new things. Limitations inspire creativity and fuel new horizons. Ask an author - (or a lover) - (or a comedian). They resist!

Why resistance? Because resistance is the catalyst of rebirth. Because gradual change accumulates to demolish old structures and creates a more astonishing order -- an order that is partly new, but entirely distinct and wondrous in its innovation. Because the entire process of biological evolution demonstrates the destruction and brutality and wastefulness of life itself: everything a challenge, a struggle, or a fight to the death. We emerge, we live, and we fight back...against astronomical odds. We resist!

Why resistance? Because the ability to incorporate novel ideas into existing beliefs is how knowledge advances. Because the abilities to accept nuance, to accept uncertainty, to reject uncertainty for something more powerful, to keep searching, and - most of all - to challenge your own biases, your own complacency, your own comfort...are all forms of resistance. Our world is not a black-and-white, always accept or always reject, kind of world. We inhabit a hazardous hypothesis, turbulent theory world. We resist!

Why resistance? Because it’s not wrong to make mistakes, but it’s wrong to keep making the same mistakes. Because evil isn't entirely your fault, but ignoring evil is your fault. Find the darkness in yourself and confront it. Recognize that you are its rightful owner: put it in its rightful place. Don’t blame someone else, a god, or a demon. Take responsibility for your vulnerabilities, anxieties, and fears. Realize that good intentions or inexperience, by you or by authority figures, may lead to evil. You must think for yourself. So, resist!

Resistance is strength: Because it's as profound an insight as anything in scriptures. Avoiding temptation isn't enough: temptation must be dared, lured, and faced. Evil isn't the opposite of the good: evil is a lack of the good. (Thomas Aquinas and I agree.) Evil is dishonesty - not enough honesty. Evil is ignorance - not enough knowledge. Evil is weakness - not enough patience or discipline. Evil is miscalculation - not enough empathy or foresight. You can't eliminate evil: you can only change it until it’s good. So, resist!

Resistance is strength: Because there has never been a world without temptation. Temptation is in the competition, the arms race, the nonstop grudge matches of nature. Our world's built on temptation, made in the image of temptation, dedicated to temptation. We can't create a more just world by merely overcoming that temptation: we must alter that temptation for our own purposes. We must incorporate that temptation into new ethics and new ways of living. We will neither accept nor deny temptation: we shall resist!